The Brown Recluse

birth control

2012-01-25T09:28:00.000-08:00

At the end of ski season, I'm guessing that I'll move back to Santa Barbara. But who fucking knows what I'll really do cuz I'm a bit scattered right now. I'd like to move into a 30 foot Airstream that's parked somewhere quiet. I may already have an avocado orchard that I can live the dream. Trick out the Airstream with Pergo floors....rip out the stupid shit and add more space....no TV except for videos...hook up an outdoor shower....rent or buy a porta potty for emergency purposes otherwise piss in nature....set up a Home Depot shed for gear storage...a Goal Zero Yeti 1250 to power everything....and a deck out front for chillin and BBQ. Just need to figure out water storage without a hose.

I'm Lovin It

2012-01-20T22:12:00.000-08:00

Drove like a jerk through a raging blizzard in Southern Idaho and especially going over Rattlesnake Pass into Utah just to get to Salt Lake City before they closed the road. Passing semi's all sketchy style and shimmying around weaving in and out of traffic in the all wheel drive Lezmobile. Damn near met Cyber-bro Forrest if we hadn't been delayed getting out of Ketchum. Then dorked around the trade show yesterday slapping high fives. I broke my New Years resolution, but it was inevitable. I wasn't going to give nuggs all year. You know, the faggoty fist pump thing that all white people use now. The second I saw some suit-and-tie-wearing douchey Republican Candidate use I knew it was time to stop it in 2012. Well I ran into Mother Fucking Ed from Thule and immediately broke my promise to myself. Such a failure. At around 2pm, I finally checked my phone that I was ignoring, and the news that Sarah Burke had died was all over the nets. Kinda teared up a bit for someone I never knew, never met, and never followed until she smacked head in a half pipe. I feel so bad for her family and people who loved her, who I imagine had decide to give up and pull the plug due to lack of blood to the brain. Been there and felt life slip away from a loved one and it's a miserable feeling that's been with me ever since. Life is incredible and should be lived to it's fullest every day. Just a really sad story. I regrouped, cleaned myself up, and threw out a few more high fivers to old snow bros then stopped at In-N-Out in Centerville before we drove north into another fucking shitstorm of snow to make it back for 18inches of fresh pow on top of 8 inches yesterday which was on top of 5 from the day before. This is SUN Valley, not Mt Baker, we don't get it stacked up like that very often. It urned into an all-time pow day today. It was worth every second to get back home. Good things lay ahead.

yang

2012-01-17T14:48:00.000-08:00

Storms they are a coming. After a mostly man-made winter so far, we're starting to get some snow fall. Stoney pow days lay ahead. But they'll have to wait a couple days cuz I'm heading down to Salt lake City for Outdoor Retailer tomorrow after a morning sesh. Sounds like it could be a little sketchy in the Southern Idaho/Northern Utah zone, hope they don't close that road. Gotta get to the Salt Palace and find a jobby job to bring me back to fucking California.

amen Brotha Mink

2012-01-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

When I was a little dude growing up and going to school, we were always told to "follow your heart and do what you love for a living." I like snowboarding, surfing, traveling, rubbing up against the ladies, and napping on warm beaches. There is absolutely no way I could make a living doing any of the things I love because I am not particularly great at any of those. If there were a contest for the Best 2-Day Hangover, then maybe I could be the best at something.

What if you kinda suck at all the things you love? THEY say you become a Team Manager. Well, what if you'd suck at that....then what? What's the next step down?

My next step down has always been to keep moving and experiencing new shit. I was "hyper" little shit as a kid, but today we diagnose those rats as ADD and give them drugs. So maybe I've still got ants in my pants. Some meditation and participating in sports daily have gained me some focus, but my mind is almost always wandering and dreaming of bigger, better adventures. Hopefully something will soon take root and I'll figure out my special purpose in life(see below). Besides the 7 consecutive years in Santa Barbara, I haven't lived in one town for more than 3 years. And now I'm getting a powerful urge to uproot again after only 15 months here. So I've been hittin up bros and semi-bros worldwide to see if they have ideas for Living The Dream in the tropics. I shot an email to my old buddy in Indo named Mink and got an inspiring series of emails. The dude is an electrician in LA who's nearing retirement in his late forties or early fifties. He spends half the year in Bali getting shacked outta his mind and importing a few surf products. When the shit hits the fan, he sells the house and expats to the Bukit. I like that plan. He sent me an the following email today....

Hey Jeff ,

It sounds like you got what I meant , the main " key " is to keep it simple . Live below your means , but always have what you need . We can want anything but don't really need much to be content and happy inside , unless the lure of the Rage of the Machine of society sucks you in and brainwashes you into believing you have to wear a certain shoe brand or drive a certain kind of car or ride a certain model board to achieve validation along with everybody else,that's where the brainwash comes in ,by everybody trying to live like and be like everybody else,it keeps feeding the " machine " , when you step off that treadmill , and watch everybody marching slavely on , it's like their mind has been taken over by society . The greatest discovery of our generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their state of mind, just look at Steve Jobs , he had a vision and went for it ! Kind of like us with our travels ,eh. When we create harmony in our minds and hearts, we will find it in our lives . The inner creates the outer ... ALWAYS . " not by the clothes we wear " , "The Kingdom of Heaven is Within " That way you will always stay light on your feet , easy to move from place to place to absorb the culture and people on the planet earth ! Talk to you soon,

Brother Mink

Fucken A, man. Fucken A. It doesn't answer any of my questions, and he didn't paint a good picture of working outside the US. But at least I got a little stoked to hit the road and risk stability. It'll all work out somehow....or I just might come knocking to sleep on your couch in the future.

poopy pants

2012-01-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

My piece-of-shit body only needs to last for another 8.5 years. I'll be 50 and my life will go downhill real fast and I won't care. I plan on getting back on the bottle and wasting away into oblivion. I'll probably need a replacement for my 1997 hip replacement. So walking upright without crutches might be a distant dream. The good news is that I should have most of my hair and roughly 85% of my real teeth. My shoulders have both been broken and are a bit outta whack which means the rotator cuffs are at risk of being ratfucked and my bursa sack impingement is always just a few hundred yards of freestyle swimming away. SO with all that to look forward to, I'm on a mission to cram a lifetime of fun into a few more good years. This means is that I NEEEEEED to surf or snowboard EVERY FUCKING DAY until September 11, 2020. Every day I miss doing one or the other leads to an overload of regret. Stack up a few weeks (or a complete season of shitty snow like we're going through right now), and I might just snap. I'll disappear somewhere tropical until the resources run out to catch up on missed opportunites. Right now I am getting near this desperate scenario. We don't have diddley squat for snow....nobody really does. There is a glimmer of hope next week when the high pressure cock block breaks down and we get a solid jet stream of death shitting on us. Please god, in all your glory, let it shit on us. Or not. Fuck it. I just ordered a new surfboard that should be ready for Indo in a few short weeks. The dollar goes real far down there and their surf season is just around the corner.

non important news

2011-12-28T15:06:00.000-08:00

This week in random sightings....

Bette Midler stuffing her pie hole at the restaurant.

Dale Chihuly working out.

Ton Hanks geting huge.

Mama Recluse at the Christmas Day brunch.

Happy Nipple Tuesday

2011-12-20T08:38:00.000-08:00

Every year we get a super random slice of celebrities from all over the world visit our little slice of Idaho. This winter I'm gonna try to remember all the famous, infamous, or even semi-famous people I recognize. Yesterday while building my huge pectoral muscles, John Kerry was also in the gym. He's the Vietnam Vet Massachusetts senator who failed to become president in 2004.

John Kerry's daughter showed her nips in a see-through dress somewhere along that election.

And then last night I waited on a dude named Evan Lysacek. Since male ice skating ain't my bag baby, I had to refer to the internets about this guy. He's the 2010 Olympic Gold Medalist and has won all kinds of other shit. He was also on Dancin With the Stars...yet another show I know absolutely nothing about.

Nancy Grace had a big ol nip slip on Dancin With the Stars....

The Animal

2011-12-15T22:52:00.000-08:00

So picture this...I've been losing my mind while posted up on the couch for 10 days, recovering from the knee surgery, popping percocets, drinking NyQuil, YouTubing surf vids, and planning my eventual escape. A couple days ago, I added some gym time into the mix. Yesterday, after getting all yoked up at the gym, I'm fucking starving and focused on building the greatest turkey, ham, & avocado pita pockets ever. As I'm cruising down the bread isle and making my way towards the meat counter I'm face to face with none other than Nat Young...World Champ, Legend, THE ANIMAL(not to be confused with the young freckle face ginger kid from Santa Cruz). Nat Young goddammit. NAT FUCKING YOUNG. I know he lives here part-time and I've seen him around before. But I'm always a bit stoked to see him cruisin around away from trade shows and work related bullshit. A few years back, when I still lived in Santa Barbara and was here on vacation, I spent the day shredding a killer pow day with a couple friends, and some big tall Australia dude. We shooshed around the mountain all morning and it took until mid-day before I realized that big tall Australia dude I've been riding with was Nat. I'm not sure why I wasn't star struck back then. But yesterday, I had some sort of man-crush...or maybe more of an adventure-crush. My mind was spinning just imagining where all his travels have taken him over the years. That dude lived more incredibley stoney shit in any random 24 hour period during the 70's. My favorite surf era. It must've been so rad to be the first person to discover an Uluwatu or Petacalco then surf the shit out of it for weeks with just you and your bros. And weed. And psycadelics. I think I've found my spots to hunker down for about 6 weeks in spring and I'm getting stoked about heading out on an extended surf adventure. And who better to feed that fire than Nat. As I passed him I gave him my best cool-guy headnod of acknowledgement for his years of ground breaking surf/life/mind shennanigans from the good old days. Then I went home and stuffed my face and took a nap.

sssshhhhaaaarrrkkkk!

2011-12-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

Man oh man was Facedildo and my phone blowing up today with scary shit going down on the Oregon Coast. I'm friends with this chick named Becca Cundari. I went to to high school with her. Her husband, Spencer was sweeping the ocean today when some broad right next to him was attacked by a shark basically in downtown Seaside. Apparently he slung her over his barge and swept his way to shore getting an incredible core workout and working on his balance. I'm pretty sure he's the dude holding the normal sized surfboard at :30 in the news video. The vid seems to be taken from 36 miles away so i's hard to see what's going on at all. Anyway, until we rid the ocean of these fucking devil creatures, this will go on forever. Sharks win again.

SUN>SBA>LAX>ICN>JKT>TKG>???>TKG>JKT>CIMAJA>JKT>ICN>LAX>SBA>SUN

2011-12-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

Driving back from Twin Falls, AKA God's Country.

The Brown Recluse Memorial Wing at St Luke's Wood River Valley Medical Center

There is no doubt that winter has us by the balls. The overnight temp is supposed to get down below ZERO tonight. Our mountain is up and running so it's been great to get outside, sit on some chairlifts, and stretch the legs a little. We're hurting a bit though. There hasn't been any major storms yet. We could use a big dump, cuz we're mostly running on man-made snow and it's getting a bit boring. Corduroy is rad....if we're surfing and it's stacked to the horizon. But with nothing but bitterly cold temps over the weekend, I guess I'll have to wait a while for some pow. This coming monday I go in for a little snip snip on my meniscus sending me to the bench on the injured reserve list. That means I'll have the next couple weeks to lay around and really focus on planning a spring vacation to Indo...and pill pop. It's looking really good for a couple weeks in motherfucking Sumatra and a couple more weeks in West Java. There's a couple waves I wanna surf down there. I also need to check out some orangutans, tigers, rhinos, and Krakatoa. Wingman needed.

random stokage

2011-11-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

gettin ready for the big day

2011-11-22T17:40:00.000-08:00

it's cyclical

2011-11-18T14:58:00.000-08:00

Finally got some mountains in the Pacific NW opening up for the winter. Facedildo is lighting up today with several asshole's pics coming in from Baker. Meanwhile, around here, we're sitting on a solid cold ass month of non-stop manmade snows, and a couple days of natural shit mixed in. At this very moment we're getting one of those unexpected massive dumps after a beautiful, blue-sky morning. On my way to the gymnasium at about 10am today, our mountain looked gorgeous. Locked and loaded. Ready for blast off. But nope, we won't get our lifts going till the 24th, Turkey Day....the best eating day of the year. Next to Halloween, one of my favorite holidays to make a complete ass outta myself. It's where you're expected to stuff your piehole, sleep, watch football, drink, eat more, drink more, then tackle & tickle the ones you love. Then repeat all the way till mid April. Ahoy!

And in honor of all the snow coming down in the Northwest, here's one of my favorite movie scenes of all time...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wt8PYFweQVE

And another classic...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFM34jnUWoA

grass is greener

2011-11-17T07:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I traded an ounce of gold for my 201-2012 Sun Valley Season Pass. $1749 dollars of blood, sweat, and tears handed over to the SV Co. While smelly whiney hippies take over Wall street and sleep on your streets to smoke weed and be useless pieces of shit, I'll be snowshredding. Sure, I may be technically "poor", I'm not letting The Man keep this botha down. #1117033 is occupying Bald Mountain.

get him a body bag

2011-11-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

About 15 ski seasons ago I jacked my right knee on a mellow little 180. If I hadn't been only a couple lift towers away from the bottom I woulda had a tough time getting down. Doc told me I tore my MCL a tad and fucked up my meniscuss. No surgery needed, but did some extensive rehab with cold beers and sloth. It was already somewhere near the beginning of April, and I remember being beat up and ready to be done with the season anyway. That knee always had a slight stability issue ever since. Fast forward to around 2008 or 2009 in a random after-work muay thai class. I get asked to be a "dummy" for the final test of a krav maga class on their final night beat down. "it's pretty much noncontact, you'll just stand there" says the coach. Reluctantly I agree to hold a heavy pad, give slight resistance, and make dude use 1 specific technique to take me down and the attacker isn't going to deviate. Me stand flat foot. Me not expecting DIFFERENT FUCKING TECHNIQUE. Me taken out at right knee like "sweep the leg, Johnny". Knee never the same. Right knee swells up more and more. Turns out my meniscuss is one giant pussy that's torn and needs a reconstruction cuz it's seeping fluids out the side creating an excessive lump of shit that needs to go December 5. I predict the 6th is filled with narcotics and nothingness. Then allegedly, 2 weeks later, I'm back on snow.

Gameplan

2011-11-11T14:48:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to think I've been wrong all along. Up until about a week ago, I was still in bikefag mode and didn't really wanna stop cycling or start the shred season. Then the daily high temps topped out in the 35 degree range and since I'm soft after living in California for so long, I had to hang up the spandex for the year. My head wasn't on correct, and I couldn't give a rats ass about snowboarding so I was still looking for any way to leave town for the winter. This guy just doesn't need to spend any more time in -20 degree weather or wiggling around in the mountains. Then an amazing image appeared like The Virgin Mary in my grilled cheese.....quit shooting for the top. Give up. Don't fight it. Just go with it and quit trying to be some kind of career type go-getter. Live in landlocked Idaho in the winters during shred season. Shred a lot and stash cash all winter. Then in spring, right after the mountain shuts down, I take 2 months off for surf and travel. Maybe add a mini couple weeks in the fall, too. Or if I can sack up, I should drop out and expat somewhere surfy for the entire summer like I've always wanted to. Somewhere warm and cheap and maybe get a jobby job in the area to cover some costs. I mean, fuck, who am I kidding...I'm steadily more and more undateable, mortgageless, debt and dog free, and only have a few more years of being semi-ablebodied. From the way things are going, I stand a good chance of needing to contact the Scooter Store in the next few years so I need to maximize my potential STAT! Monday I get an MRI for a 95% probable meniscus tear from 15+years ago and then a quickie scope right after Turkey Day opening weekend shred. Since the 2011 deductible has been met, time to clean out all the nooks and crannies a bit. Shoulda had it done last month but wasn't thinking clearly. Should miss just a week or 2 of shred. Half that time doped up on narcotics and drooling on the couch. Winner!? I'm an F-18, bro.

The Shizzz

2011-11-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

Here's Andy Gilbert selling Dildo Valley. I've known him for more than 20 years, going back to our Portland days partying and blowing up bean bombs in backyard fireplaces. He's got a forearm tat of Rick Flair as the Virgin of Guadalupe. I wish I had a pic of that thing. Dude kills it as the Snowboard Program Director for the Sun Valley Ski Education Foundation. He always has a strong team with kids like Kaitlyn Farrington and Wyatt and Yancey Caldwell. This town is all about skiing, so it's a constant battle against the old timers and stupid skier mentality. The mountain got it's first half pipe about 5 years ago, and it's first park and rails around the same time, roughly 15 years behind the time. Bogner are everywhere(see below). And we still ride chairlifts with decrepit old skiers who still hold the rivalry for snowboards, so we get to clown em a lot. It's awesome.

RIF

2011-11-01T19:47:00.001-07:00

One thing I don't do enough of is read books. I'm always stoked to power through some pages while on vacation, but it never seems to spill over into my real life. Since I don't have enough dough to constantly travel, I decided to make a conscious effort to step back from the idiot box, plop my ass in the Lazy Boy, and grab a book on a regular basis. Here's what's in the Brown Recluse's Fall 2011 Library and some brief thoughts on each.

This fucking thing will scare the beef outta you. FUCK! I seriously think that I'm going the way of the vegan because of it. Next thing you know I'll be wearing some goddamm poochooli. Basically all animal proteins (meats, dairy, cheese, milk, delicious butter, eggs, etc) will promote cancer, heart disease, and all the other diseases you don't want. Like butt cancer. Eating strictly plant proteins, means you can smoke cartons a day while eating azbestos and you still won't get any death diseases. I've mixed in at least 1 vegan meal a day to see if I can handle it. But on a side note, I first cracked the cover with a 1/2 pound Lefty's burger in my hand.

This was such a great random discovery at this mysterious structure full of smelly people called The Library.I was headed towards the Ecuador section which was just past the Surfing section which was right next to the Judo section. It was just staring at me with the incredible stoney early 70's cover photo and font. It made me grab it for 2 weeks. Plus the title is just simple and perfect. It tells the story of a wandering Judoka who travels along, gets in trouble, meets a chick and eats food. And he's cool with everything as long as he can reach mushin, or the state of no mind. It's intermixed with Judo life lessons and ways of looking at life and everything it throws at you. Deep and heavy, just like you'd expect from the epic Uluwatu single fin era of 1973.

Ever since Bali last year, I've been stoked on them Hindu's. In my world, I was getting used to dealing with a-holes from Southern California who, in a broad generalization, are very selfish and think only of themselves and how they can get ahead in life. While everybody I met in Bali were over-ther-top kind, almost too nice. At first I thought they were just setting me up, but it didn't take very long to realize that it was from their heart and they are super happy people. In amongst incredible stone architecture filled with animal heads, there were colorful flower and incense offerings strewn about making everything look and smell like heaven. They're almost all Hindu on Bali while the rest of Indo is good ol Muslims. The Balinese run their life by different standards. Karma is a key...I think....but I'm not really sure. That's why I got this book. Because I wanna figure out why they're so fucking nice...and happy. All the other books about Hindu tells riddles and stories that are too deep for me to grasp. I'm an idiot, I need people to dumb it down so I figure it out from the bottom and work my way up. To enlightenment.

There's always talk in martial arts circles that Chuck Norris was some bad ass, that he holds all kinds of records, and that he's unstoppable. I had always dismissed it as normal MMA chest pounding, mine is bigger than yours bullshit. So I found this paperback for $2.99 at Powell's in Portland and that's as much as I wanna pay for this book. Sure, it tells of his growing up, and his problems, but it seemed like he was trying to sell me The Chuck Norris Total Gym. There was some good stories about training with Bruce Lee. Then it was a couple pages selling me on Jesus Christ and The Republican Party has all the answers. I also started to gain some respect for him when he started talking about his many legit titles and VERY HIGH Korean belt levels. Then I was sold his new show, premiering somewhere soon. It is after all, Chuck Norris. So expect some cheese with your wine.

day trippin

2011-10-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

Can't believe that fall has us by the balls and we'll be shredding in less than a month. The leaves are falling and I've had to scrape my car windows a couple times. I'm still here and it looks like I'll be spending another winter living the dream. Working nights and playing all day/every day. So before the pass closes, I drove over Trail Creek to check out my bro's ranch up in Copper Basin.

Passed by some prime fishin.

And made it t his place. There's a series of tiny little cabins, sheep wagons, and a stoney yurt on the compound. This one's from some creeper named Russian John's that's about 200 square feet and 100 years old. It was salvaged 50 miles away and rebuilt here.

"hey fucker, did you see that?"

Up the valley in the back 40.

Jesus Christ it's gorgeous everywhere around here.

And then back home down the pass and along Trail Creek.

tube fest

2011-10-19T10:05:00.001-07:00

The last couple days I was in Santa Barbara, a really good NW swell came through and lit up some places. It was 90 degrees and pumpin waves that completely surfed me out. Rincon was on fire. After surfing it all day then getting another mellow second surf up the road, I decided to cruise back and check the evening sesh out. Dudes were getting tubes all the way though the cove along a great little sandbar. Serious rippin going down.

tube of the day

2011-10-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

Today's tube of the day is brought to yous by Tesla. The epic 80's butt rock band Tesla, not Nicola Tesla, the world's greatest inventor genius and pigeon lover who got out-marketed and ratfucked by Thomas Edison. That son of bitch.

good times

2011-10-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

Another morning of slashing mellow Rincon. Tide was still a bit high when I arrived. But with a major tide swing right around the full moon action, I decided to suit up and be the first to paddle out before the rapidly retreating tide. Figured I'd pick off a few randoms before the rest of the a-holes appear. I brought along my waterproof camera for the first time ever and fucked around with it. Got a couple fun peelers before a couple of chicks came out and stole my thunder. They were cool and I didn't HAVE to yell or paddle aggressively around them. They had a camera, too, so hopefully we can all sit around enjoy some pics of The Brown Recluse very soon since we exchanged emails. I got a shit ton of waves before a bunch of kids and wave hogs came out. I couldn't have asked for more today. And with swell starting to fill in over the next few days, I should be able to get my wiggle-n-squat going till the end of this vacation. Then it's back to being a jonzin Idaho surfer serving meat and grog.

get smart

2011-10-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

Spied this in the parking lot at Rincon today. Not sure why somebody would take the time and energy to build and place this sticker on their truck. I would assume they are some great big fat person. Probably happy about being a fatso. Whatever. But the moral of the story is just don't be the slowest creature when hungry fucking predators are around. I GET IT!

say what?

2011-10-08T20:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm spending a couple weeks down here in Santa Barbara on some sort of a "working vacation". The main goal is to rustle up a jobby job so I can eventually move back here asap. We're making great progress despite massive headwinds. I've spent a year living dangerously in Dildo Valley, Idaho and now it's time for more stoney noserides. A while back in Sun Valley, I was talking to my buddies parents (who I barely know) and mentioned that I'll be in SB for the first couple weeks of October. They live here and say "hey, maybe you can stay at our house and look after it". I say "hells yes". I'm thinking all along that it beats the crap outta sleeping on friend's couches or in my car. Then they remember to tell me that I'll be watching their 13 year old son, too. Oh, and the dogs. "Sure, why not? The more the merrier" I say. And here I sit...on a saturday night in the big city....after hanging out at the beach surfing with 13 year old boys all day...slothing with the dogs on the couch.... with a gut full of In-N-Out Double Double.

When I arrived in town last week, I met up with the Mrs and she gave me the walk though the estate and rundown of responsibilities. Super cool people who really don't know me except that I'm their older son's surf buddy who he met in a remote dirt town in Mexico and I spent a day shredding last winter with the old man. As we're cruising around the house she laughs and says "I hope you're not some pedophile".

no surf

2011-10-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

I spent a wet, rainy September 26th at the Oregon Coast with my brother and shoveled lots of deep fried seefood in the piehole. I haven't seen that much rain in a long time and it was great. It was really coming down, and windy. Not much to do outdoors. Other, weaker tourists were scared away by the storm. Not us. We were there on a family style mission and couldn't reschedule. It woulda been a perfect storm for heavy boozing if only I still liked to get wasted. It was a really cool couple of days regardless.

poor stitching

2011-09-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

I really wish summer and fall lasted longer in the mountains. The nights are getting cold and the leaves are changing. Before we know it, we'll have our first snow of the season. Get me the hell outta here before that happens. I need to be somewhere else so I don't break my shit snowboarding. I feel myself getting more and more brittle every day. I'm almost like Samuel L Jackson's character in the M Night Shamalam's super hero movie...the dude who couldn't walk without breaking a toe. I need to be somewhere warm and surfy anyway. Actually, it doesn't need to be warm, just surfy.

Heidelberg Hill-->Shadyside-->Eve's Gulch-->Citizen's-->Lane's Trail

2011-09-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

Not very strenuous, but not very motivated the last couple days. Sometimes it's just fun to throw a leg over the bike and go for a spin in some stormy mountains with no goal except completing a ride and checking things out.

more cowbell

2011-09-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

It seems like every time I close the bar, another incredible song by Rush makes me crank up the tunes. Last night it was the epicness of Xanadu. Turn this shit up real fucking loud and head bang your Bosley hair.

things got hairy

2011-09-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

We get shit tons of interesting customers at the restaurant. Resort towns are filled with mostly-retired entrepreneurs who made their shady fortune years ago and just live the good life now. Usually I have no clue who the fuck they is. Then some busboy who played a round of golf with them earlier in the day points them out and we all make fun of them. Last night we had a guy that might be of interest to my follically challenged friends. The Doctor was in. Dr Lee Bosley of Bosley Hair Restoration. He must live around here cuz people with plenty of hair knew who he was. The 2 hot, enhanced broads with him kept caling him "The Doctor", and he wore an ascot. You don't see that shit very often. I like his style.

more #2 ahead

2011-09-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

9-11 is quite a heavy day in America. It's also my birthday. Last year I had finally had it and dropped out. A couple major vacations and a move back to working nights set me free to shred 100+ days and be a giant flake. I was supposed to have figured out life over the last year then moved back to Santa Barbara for world domination. Shit didn't go as planned. A broken shoulder, super rad mountain chicks, and getting reintroduced to mountain biking changed the plan. Or what it getting reintroduced to chicks and super rad mountain bikes? Whatever. So today officially begins year #2 of the Mid-Life-Crisis World Tour. This time I fuckin mean it. No fucking around. In a couple weeks I'll be taking some time off and driving around the western US....the Portland/Santa Barbara/Idaho triangle. I'm looking forward to surfing Mira Mar and Rincon, biking, getting weirded out on the open road, urban car camping, business planning, slapping high fives, strong ass coffee, 3000+ miles driven fast, teryaki, and sleeping on beaches. And scoring a jobby job for the transition back to SB STAT!

the grinder

2011-09-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

Summer's winding down and it's been incredible...besides the surgery and longer-than-expected-recovery, of course. It's been awesome getting back on the mountain bike. My legs are starting to finally get some sort of cycling shape. There's just so many trails around here and nobody on them. Yesterday we rode the Galena Grinder race course. While everybody was downtown boozing and watching the Wagon Days Parade, we spent the afternoon on a mellow ride up in the mountains. Back in the day, there was always the motivation for racing, racing, racing. Always training and making everything count come race day. Fuck that now, man, I'm old and broken down. These days it's all about struggling up the hills, checking shit out, not being completely spent afterwards, and having fun. The course we rode isn't super long, right around 17 miles. But it's one of the most fun rides I've been on in a while. Everything from big banked corners, to mandatory uphill hikes, to high speed decents and power switchbacks. There was some winding trough smaller ponderosa pines, tree roots and rocks to pop off, and several creeks crossing. After one gigantic, back breaking ascent, there's a long cruise at the base of the Boulder Mountains. It felt like bears and wolverines were everywhere. When China invades the US in 2012, that's where I'll start the revolution. Until then, I welcome fall and can't wait to get really muddy.

Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitch!

2011-09-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

The restaurant's been crazy busy all fucking summer and I'm just about DONE dealing with massive amounts of ass clowns. The shear number of diners each night is staggering. We've got one more big weekend then all the kids are back in school, where they should be. That will slow us down a bit and we can take a little breather. The last couple week's been interesting though. We've had some celebrities stuff their face. I wasn't working the night Bjork came in. That woulda been rad. But Scott Glenn was in. So was Old Man John McCain. That fucker's retarded and very old, but he's a certified war hero so God Bless him. Then we had stinky ol Drew Barrymore in one night. It's amazing to hear how many fellow creepy restaurant dudes wanted to bang her after seeing her in ET when she was like 5 years old. I never thought she was hot, but she's cute in person, even thought she smells bad. The next morning I was telling a buddy that she was around when I smelt mother-fucking patchouli and saw her again way far away across the street. Yuck. I can't really remember who else we've seen, but it's a way to keep the shit interesting. TMZ out!

donde para mi?

2011-08-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

My vacation refractory time is so fucking fast. And it's only getting faster. It's taken less than 2.5 month for me to be over it again. In all honesty, I was ready about 3 weeks ago and I'm barely hanging on by a thread. I'm in dire need to pack the boards and hit the road to go somewhere anywhere. Not quite sure this time. A long peeling 6 foot left point with 82 degree water would be ideal. But I sure as hell don't need shit this epic....

Ryan Hipwood lost it ???? from Paul Fisher on Vimeo.

hard nose

2011-08-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

Pioneer Saloon, Ketchum, Idaho, 10pm, 8/21/2011.....
At 9:50, the bar held 5 random drunks and we were winding down the restaurant. At 10pm on the nose, the bar suddenly smelled like sweaty back hair, stale socks, and porterhouse steaks. It had arrived midway through a 7 bar pub crawl in the middle of Idaho....Lord Stanley's Cup. Clueless ho's lined up to take pictures with some big, shiney, silver thing but didn't have the faintest idea what it was. Slobbering men were frantically pushing their old ladies in front of it and snapping photos. Not a second went by where somebody wasn't touching it with saucerlike eyes and flash bulbs were going off. Like moths to a flame. A certified feeding frenzy of jumbo sized team jerzies from all over North America wearing shit eating grins. "That shirts gayer than 2 men fucking" was heard from a Rangers fan towards a Flyers shirt wearing fatso. And 15 minutes later it was gone, it's time was finished at the Pio, onto the next bar and another groping. More sweaty hockey fans and hangers on were waiting to get their glimpse of the 117 year old bent and banged up trophy.

Stanley Cup

2011-08-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

Ketchum, Idaho is a hockey town. Lots of midwest transplants round these parts dropping shoulders everywhere. Our local hockey team, The Sun Valley Suns, used to have a dude named Beets play for them. Beets is now the assistant equipment manager for the Boston Bruins, who won the Stanley Cup last year. So he gets to spend a day or two the the cup and do whatever he wants. Dude wants to bring it here to Ketchum and we all get to rub up against it. Sounds like it will be spending time a the restaurant I work at because the owner is a big Suns jock strap, ooops I mean he's a supporter, a Sun Valley Suns supporter. I hope to fill The Stanley Cup with burgers or dough nuts, as suggested by Bill Dough. The whole town is abuzz about this cuz we're a small town and there's not much to do at night except booze it up. Yah! Stanley Cup!

Red Warrior

2011-08-07T07:17:00.000-07:00

Posts are few and far between cuz I'm not tied to a stupid desk wasting away. Been spending my days riding bikes and recovering from that surgery. Last week Sushi James and I rode one of my favorite trails in the Sun Valley area, Fisher Creek. You just cruise up double track for about 7 miles of mellow grinding. Then you get some kick ass butter smooth, banked downhills followed by a milkshake at Smiley Creek. It's hands down, the easiest uphill for the best downhill. Then yesterday I blew up my lungs on Red Warrior here in Ketchum. I hadn't ridden this one for 10 years and forgot how fucking awesome it is. It's a motherfuck of an uphill that required some pushing and a couple bails on my part. We had a gigantic fire up here in 2008 where most of the forests burned. On these rides we've ben going through acres of dead, black trees with incredibly green undergrowth. The contrast doesn't really show up in the pics, but whatever. Then it follows a creek all the way down with tons of bitchin creek crossings, switchbacks, and high speed rollercoasters. There's been a ton of thunderstorms the last week so it's made the trails incredible right now. Tacky and grippy. I got caught in one massive electrical storm right at the peak of a mountain in the middle of a great ride earlier in the week. After I soiled myself, I regrouped and raced down the hill after the hail had stopped while thunder cracked all around. With my fake hip, I've wondered if I attract lightening a little more than most. It would be rad to be great at attracting something. At the end of that Red Warrior, there's no bridge so you have no ther choice but to ford through the aptly named Big Wood River. Cuz I've got big wood for my life right now. I'm fucking loving the mountains, mountain biking, Idaho, and working at night. But it's got come to an end soon and get back to the real world. Broken bones, bitterness, and shattered dreams here I come!

I feel like both of these two at the same time....

mtn bike nationals

2011-07-18T08:30:00.001-07:00

Ned Overend

Winner...???

Rebecca Gould...CHAMP

???...2nd or 3rd place

I've been a mountain biker again for almost a week...4-6 weeks ahead of doctors orders. And I REALLY hope I don't fuck this up. But I've been jonzin to ride the trails and get off the stupid road bike. Over the last week we've hosted the 2011 US Mountain Bike Nationals so there's been something like 1000 riders spandexing up and down our streets and trails. Superhot athletic mountain chicks as far as the eye can see realy motivate me. On saturday I stopped by the races and checked out the pro mens and womens action. Since I've ben out of the sport for about 10 years, I have no clue who anybody is...except for Deadly Ned Overend. That dude's 55 years old and still in the hunt every race. He must've gotten somewhere around 10th. So yah, I'm definitely getting after it more and more. Thinking about some shoulder pads for everyday use.

man down!

2011-07-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

Poor Chris Horner. 25 kilometers is 15+ miles which comes to about a half hour of end-of-the-stage cycling. Dude got caught in a giant pileup, cracked his skull very hard, picked his shit up off the cement, grabbed his bike, and spun his legs real fast for 30 minutes and had no idea he'd crashed and chased the pack? Damm dude. Sad to see it happen to any of these guys, but this guys a LONG TIME STUD and was hoping he'd podium at 39 and win one for the old dudes. Next year.

Tour de France forecast 2011

2011-07-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

I predict:

-one of these dudes will crash and break his collar bone and I will not be able to watch the replay because I know the pain that said dude will have to endure.

-I will plop myself down deep in the Lazy Boy daily and lazily watch the coverage at least twice because I will fall asleep during the first time showing. This is the very same Lazy Boy I've been trying to get rid of for more than 2 years.

-drugs.

-I will get inspired and log a few more miles on my bikes during the month of July.

-Team Managers with shitty facial hair.

-people on FaceDildo report the events every fucking day, sometimes before I see the coverage and therefore stealing my thunder.

-I will yell at people on our bike path and call them "fucking idiot" and "are fucking kidding me?" or "nice work, dicknose" as they pull ridiculously stupid and dangerous (to me) maneuvers.

-Bob Roll pronouncing the word "France" as bad as Schwarzenggar saying "Caleefawnia".

-Andy Schleck winning the whole shebang after attacking on the first day in the mountains, and every mountain day after.

not bad/pretty good

2011-06-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

As my old co-worker, Jered Gallapagos used to say, this van is not bad, pretty good. I wish I was looking for a home away from home right now, because it's one bad ass mobile stabbin cabin for sale just up the road in Stanley Idaho. Check out the vid. Be forewarned about the the broad's voice and shitty music. She might be Schwarzanegger's developmentally disabled love child. I'm trying to talk myself into needing this thing, but I'm already looking out for a Clark Cortez or UltraVan to go along with my Wapahh Surf Food Truck.

CA Hwy 1 Domination

2011-06-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

All I need is surf food truck serving up hungry shredders from San Diego to el Capitan. Just following swells and stuffing faces with healthy nourishing food. Summertime means Malibu and south. The wintertime NW swells mean everywhere north of The Nard. In between selling food, I close up shop and get pitted, so pitted.

one week down

2011-06-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

Since I'm a useless gimp right now, a lot of my time is being spent trying to find random projects I can accomplish.

There's not a lot besides hiking, smoking, overthinking, and one arm computering. I'm slowly going through all the pics I took while on vacation. Here's a few that basically sum up my trip.

yo, we ain't got no flo

2011-06-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

My brain is full of wonderful percocet because my shoulder was operated upon last friday. However, I would gladly trade it all for a functioning colon. I'm starting to go nuts from sitting in my Lazy Boy for the majority of the last 3 days. My left arm is in full lockdown for the next 2 weeks so I'm and out of sleep all day mixed in with long, slow walks along the river. Hope to be back on the bike in 3 weeks.

cavity searcher

2011-05-31T17:58:00.001-07:00

Consider yourself warned....DO NOT GO TO PERU, BUY COCA LEAF TEA AT THEIR GROCERY STORES FOR SOMETHING LIKE 75 CENTS PER 25 PACK, THEN TRY TO BRING YOUR STASH BACK TO THE GOOD OLD USA. Apparently, Homeland Security considers it in the same genre as cocaine, AKA The Peruvian Pinch. The Colombian Marching Powder. What a crock o' shit. Trust my deviated septum on this one kids, you ain't gonna Less Than Zero your butthole for some uplifting and soothing, and very delicious tea. No way, no how. Well, maybe. It's pretty damm good. No. NO DAMMIT! I said I was done with that. I won't do that again! Regardless, just don't bring the fucking Mate De Coca into this great country, alright? Some people who will remain anonymous have to learn the hard way. It's tough to tell from my receipt because Homeland Security can afford everything except carbon paper, but after getting up at 4am and flying for 10.5 hours, I was additionally detained for another 45 minutes at glorious LAX. It was okay because I got to watch them manhandle some little Asian dude who was bringing in Pee-Pee pills, a load of hiddden cash, and possibly illegal smut. They were going through his shit and grilling him like a hot dog on Memorial Day.

Luckily, when the dude asked where I was coming from, I replied Peru.
His next question was..."Oh yah? Do you have any coca tea?"
"Yep!" I said aloud, but inside I was thinking "FUCK! Shoulda ballooned it"
And with that he scribbled "COCA TEA" on my declaration and I was sent to Line B. As in BADASS.
They flat out stole my shit, filled out forms, scolded me, beat me with wilted celery, then sent me on my way.

I don't know what happened to Little Asian Man. I bolted for the exit faster than you can say Shawshank Redemption.
See you in Zihuatenajo, bitches.

this is the end

2011-05-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

Last day of living the dream today. Tomorrow I head back to LAX and points yonder. It was my last opportunity to wander around buying up South American treasures and have zero responsibility. After sleeping in late, I left my Hotel Inkawasi and headed downtown with a few leftover Peruvian Soles burning a hole in my pocket.

Stopped for a bacon, avo, chicken breast, tomato, mozarella, 3 dollops of ketchup, and peach slices sando with a side of fries.

Strolled past some mellow graffiti.

Giggled past The Weiner University. They spelled it wrong, by the way.

And found some stoney fishes and flowers.

All of this on my way to chill around Parque Kennedy in downtown Mira Flores.

On my way back, I felt the need for one last look at the big ass church. And then I slowly wandered back to my room to get ready for a 7am flight. Gotta get my head back in the game starting in the next few days.

make it happen

2011-05-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

Mission accomplished. Finally, in the 100 year anniversary of Hiram Bingham discovering it, I made the trip to Machu Picchu a reality. I've been wanting to wander around Machu Picchu since something like 5th grade when I wrote a masterpiece of a bookreport on Peru. To this day, they still talk about that report with a tear in their eye at St John Fisher Grade School in Portland Oregon. It's spoken about with the likes of Hemmingway, Fitzgerald, and Twain. Back then, us old fuckers didn't have Wikidildo or even cuntpooters. We spent all weekend before it was due in the libary plagarizing the shit outta books and encyclopdias. Scribbling the most obscure lines we could find in hopes that we didn't get caught. Fucking bookreports. Don't get me started on books that aren't made into movies that follow the story EXACTLY. YOu dickhead movie producers screwed me. I once wrote a bookreport on the movie "One Flew Over The Cookcoos Nest". If you've seen AND read each you understand how completely different they really are. They aren't even close. But I got a B+ with the following phrase in big red letters..."NICE BOOK REPORT...ON THE MOVIE". When I finally read the book years later, I knew what a jackass I was. So I'm wandering around Machu Picchu yesterday and it's even more amazing than I expected. I didn't see god or anything, and I ain't gonna grow dreads so I can unappoligetically kick a hacky sack all day, but it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I couldn't help to think about these little dudes just sat up there in the clouds, eating coca leaves around the campfire while jabbering away, grinding their teeth, and building shit with rocks. When they were too coked up to build shit, they climbed up incredibly tall shit to check out the sun even closer. Why wouldn't ya? And I wonder how much gold they had before the Spaniards came through and took their gold and gave them Christianity. It must've been gorgeous up there, and it still is even though it's just a ruin up in the hills. Well worth the visit, man.

the hh

2011-05-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

Today I rode the train along some absolutely breathtaking scenery through massive, Andean mountain gorges. Never seen mountains go straight up like that. Must've been at least 5000 feet skyward from the train tracks. Dudes in front of me were over it. Once I arrived it was the usually process off walking around, checking shit out, stuffing my face, and running into dudes from earlier in the month. Small world. Then I hiked just another 150 meters up the trail from my Hotel Royal Inki to the Machupicchu Santuario. Or as I like to call them, the Hepatitus Hot Springs. The guidebook warns that they get a little "skungy" after noon. Yep. But I dove in anyway cuz you just can't beat the view. Then I scrubbed the skunge off, disinfected, and I'm now trying to get some shut eye before the 4am wakeup.

la coca central

2011-05-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

Onward and upward to the Andes, Cuzco, and eventually Machu Picchu. First stop, Cuzco airport at 11,152 feet above sea level. I arrived a bit late due to delays at the airport, so I didn't get much time to cruize around. So after checking into my Hotel where they handed me some coca tea, I got my tourista going before I grabbed some dinner. Very cool city that's old as fuck. Churches are kinda rad around here since everybody drinks of the Koolaid. Very ornate and lots to admire about the craftsmanship. Ate some really good food since I'm getting my appetite back. Usually when I travel I'm never hungry for the first few weeks. I takes about 3 weeks to get it going again. I really like food, too. On the way back to my hotel, I stopped by McDonald's for some delicious dessert McNuggets to store up some calories. Gotta make up for lost time. Who knows when I'll get a chance to eat good food, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to stuff my face. I could be stuck with eating the local buffet which consists of llama or guinea pigs. I'd eat those guines pigs extincr if they yummy, but I somehow doubt that. Tomorrow I ride the train for 3 hours to Aguas Calientes. Then the big tourist trap on thursday. Gettin stoked to have my mind blown for sure.

2011-05-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

After getting some of the funnest, most memmorable waves ever, it's now ime to leave Northern Peru because my shoulder sucks dong. I've gotta cut the surfing portion of the trip short by only a couple days. But it's cool. There's lots of great stuff to see and do in the Mira Flores neighborhood back in Lima.

So I hopped on the 10pm overnight autobus to Lima. Once again, these buses are amazing and I wasn't even on the biggest one. Double front wheels, internet, meals, and shit. Slept until they turned on the ragaetone at full blast. Made it back to Lima and was craving lunch at Burger King, which destroyed me hours later. The Rapture hit my gut just in time for my first shared-bathroom experience in Peru. I was no good at sharing last night. But that kinda thing happens while on the road. No biggie.

So now it's culture, coffee, museums, and all that art-faggy crap. Then Cusco and Macchu Pichu later this week.

dropping swell

2011-05-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

The swell fell off a bit today and we defintely scored again. Half the crowd, but that's not really an issue unless one of the boats drops off an insta-crowd. There's plenty of incredible waves that go unridden though, so that's not a problem either. The only real issue is the current. You enter waaaay up top and and after an easy float/paddle into position, a wave always seems to come immediately. If you make your sections, that wave can take you down most of the way. Then you just hop on another. And maybe another. I never took no more than 3 waves to ride the entire 2km. I realized today that you pretty much surf solo because of the currrent, long rides, and epic walk back up the lineup. I only saw the Dudes when we were hiking along the point and when we were in the taxi going home.

2011-05-17T19:40:00.000-07:00

In one of the surfing magazines there's always a full page photo up near the front that's called "the perfect day"...or something close to that. It's always a pic of a certain break on it's perfect day. No shit? I'm fairly cetain that today was one of those days around here. 15 wave sets of 6-9+ foot, incredible sand bottom groomed and peeling all the way along the point. It even had my favorite kind of inside section with a steep wall and mellow pocket. A couple rides today were BY FAR, the longest waves I've ever ridden. EASILY 1 km, but probably closer to 2km. There was a sketchy, underpowered, overloaded, high-flying, weed-soaked boat ride and a few extended walks back to the top, then I was done. Just sat in awe untill the bros and I were ready to call it a day. And that's all I gotta say about that.

got some ying in my yang

2011-05-16T16:45:00.001-07:00

Oh what a difference a good day surfing can make in my head. Finally scored some really nice waves in South America and I'm feelin kinda groooooooovy. The big swell that THEY were forcasting arrived right on schedule. And the crowds rejoiced! Everybody came out of hibernation for some long peeling lefts. It started off around head-high this morning, then finished off the day with 2-3 feet overhead. Some bigger sets snuck up on us. Tomorrow is supposed to a bit bigger. MIght head down the road to "the world's longest left". The wave here peels along a point at a cool steady pace...not too fast or slow. I started sitting deeper and deeper when I began to figure out the wave a bit. Confidence was riding high when the macker set rolled through and I was just lounging around the impact zone feelin stoney on the whole scene. Took a couple on da head and my shoulder held up. But seeing as my paddle is crap, right about then I thought about hopping aboard the Zodiac cruizing the lineup to get back up to the top. Sacked up instead and just dove under a few. Got a couple more then figured it was time to leave and floated/surfed/rode foam back home. It's about 2km along the cliffs and desert to get back to town. I spent the day surfing, eating, sleeping, and surfing. No pics. But hope to break out the perv lens and snap some action over the next few days.

desert conditions all around

2011-05-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

I am total mindless whore when it comes to surfing. There is no size too small for me to surf. My current go-to board is some self-shaped, 6'2" x 22 inch wide, fat vee tailed monster, that can pick up anything. And I mean I'll fucking ride anything. I absolutely love the feeling of standing on any wave and trimmin on down the line. Even with my 7 month layoff and gimpy left paddler I still find I can get into any bump in the water. But right now, in North Central Peru, in May of the Year of Our Lord 2011, there just ain't shit coming in. Nothing. Nada. This is the first surf trip I have ever been on that I've gotten mostly skunked. A couple times to Costa Rica, Bali, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and counteless trips to Mexico that I've never had to deal with this. My cabeza is getting softer and softer. We're getting some serious down time that's really starting to getting to all of us. "Us" is me and some classic Brazlian dudes next door. Besides a couple Kiwi's, there's not many oher surfers here that don't live here. So today, after the Brazilian bros smoked their mind, we loaded up and bused ourselves an hour and a half south to Trujillo for some shopping an sightseeing. We checked out a couple malls and didn't see even 1 hot chick. Brutal. It's like a desert out here. Eventually, after more non-eventfullness during the afternoon, we eventually found the bus terminal and made it home. Big swell coming soon, but not soon enough. Godammit man, we need some waves...STAT!

food Vanagon

2011-05-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

Alright, so it's not really a Vanagon, but it's still pretty cool. An old, 60's split window VW with wrap around rear windows, some kind of bubble top, a flip open side, a built-in barbeque inside, and 4 stools for you and your amigos to post up outside. I'm not sure what kind of mobile street food dude was selling, but it was definitely ultra sketch. Most of the so-called "food" around hyar, even the "restaurant" food is just terrible. At one great, little restaurant I met the owner who has most surf videos pirated and he sells them for $5 sols. That about $1.50 US Dollar. Picked up a couple I've been meaning to score. SO that's nice. I've been eating a lot of cebiche, which is supposed be incredible in Peru. Whoever tells you that is a vindictive, motherfucking LIAR. It is quite possibly the foulest, fishiest tasting fish crap ever. I'm done with it. I've given it a shot and it just didn't pan out. Gonna stick with the chaufa which is some Asian style fried rice concoction and it's everywhere. It's tollerable. Cheap, too. Surf was not very good today....again. Urge to kill rising. Stay tuned. Rage level building.

down day

2011-05-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon was my first real surf here in Peru. It was really windy, blown out and choppy with a few pulses of waves mixed in. Man, this place is as windy as I've ever seen. Wind is cool as long as I can get a powerful, late take-off. That wasn't the case here. The take off zone was shifty and I wasn't guessing right much. Inside too far then outside a bit too far. I picked off a bunch and some of those were lining up really good. I'd love to see this place with some solid swell and turn off the wind machine. Looks like a big ass swell is coming around the 16th. Sounds like it will pummel Chicama with perfect conditions, so I might move over there for a few days. Today was windy as fuck, which meant a complete down day. Bored outta my mind excpet for TV, interwebs, and walking around town. My roon is 50 meters from the beach and would get leveled if a tsunami comes. It also means it's real easy to wander over to the boardwalk to check the surf or space out. I keep seeing Datsun's everywhere. B210's and shit. I must've done the same trek around this tiny little town a dozen times today. Tomorrow I surf no matter what.

the hand of god

2011-05-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

Final preperations were made to begin the real surfing leg of this vacation. Including one last visit to admire the Itzhak Rabin statue at Itzhak Rabin Parque. It's on top of the big ass cliffs that overlook the beaches of Mira Flores. In order to reach the beach, I had to climb down some winding stairs and across a pedestrian bridge. I was surprised to see a park dedicated to a Jew in a highly Catholic society. It had to google it to make sure it was the same Itzak Rabin.

Then, after spending the rest of the day on the sight-seeing double decker bus, eating at KFC, and getting jacked up on Starbucks, I taxi'd over to the Bus Staion so I could embarque. We lined up for the slaughter, and I settled in for a long 12 hours.

I sat next to this little lady. God bless her soul. She looked scared shitless the whole time, like when you see someone freak out on an airplane. She didn't stop praying the entire time. Excpet when I snapped this pic of my five head and her resting her rosary praying thumbs. Amazingly we arrived an hour earlier than I thought...thank you baby jesus.

I'd like to give my traveling partner all the credit for some excellent praying because we made it in safe and sound. I slept for maybe 3 or 4 hours, but it was good. Stoked to get into town and find a deal at Hotel Los Faroles. And it sits directly under the outstretched left hand of Jesus Christ himself.

via Cruz Del Sur

2011-05-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

At this time tomorrow I should be arriving up north in a little fishing city called Pacasmayo. I'm taking an overnight bus where the seats fold down like giant Lazy Boys. I hear there's a waiter, booze, and movies to kill the time. Plus I've got my buddy, Ambien along for the ride. We board the bus in Lima at 8pm and roll into town at around 8am. I've met a few random surfers around here who all seem to be stoked on it's wave. It sounds like it's super consistent and really fun from gut to over-head high. Although, in this country, the average "head high" day would be 5'6". The wave is supposed to be ridiculously long, too. But for now, I'm sitting in a Starfucks across from this giant park, old ornate church, and fancy government building of some kind. It's the first time in a very long time that I haven't jonzed for surf or shred every second of the day. Usually it's an overwhelming urge at all times. But right now, for the last couple days, I'm okay with just people watchin(code for pervin) and hanging out. Maybe it's cuz I know I've got plenty of surf coming soon. Maybe I'm just injured enough. Or maybe I'm growing up.

Jedi Travel

2011-05-03T14:58:00.000-07:00

Holy shit, I used the wrong travel agent. Who knows where I'd be and how I got there if I'd booked through Jedi Travel. But I made it here anyway. After a mellow 4:30 am drive from Santa Barbara to LAX I hopped on Copa Air's Millenium Falcon for 10 hours and arrived in Lima. It's fucking perfect here. Not too hot/not too cold. Not sunny/sunny enough. Love this place already. Today I'm a Got up at the crack of 10 and cruized down to the center of Mira Fores for my morning up of Loudmouth Stew at Starbucks. People watched, ate some pizza, then went for a surf. Nothing to write home about, but fun none the less. My upper left vajayjay seems to be holding up. The paddle out wasn't tough by any means, but there were some duck dives and lots of paddling involved. Right now I'm staying in a room for $30 that has hot water, cable TV, a comfy bed, and internets. That's too much. Way too much. Tomorrow I'll need to figure out which overnight bus to Pacasmayo I need to take. Then it's north, for the real part of this dirtbag, sloth vacation.

the confusion sets in

2011-05-01T21:29:00.000-07:00

Here I sit wobbly at my Motel 6 desk getting prepared for my flight out of reality at 9:21 am manana. I'm filled with Ambien and a tall tin can of the High Life. Plus a little background vicoden, all for medicinal purposes. The Ambien is really taking a firm grip on my synapses and I'm moments from sleep. But before I'm out and therefore off, I just want to post up a couple randoms from the last few days of surf and chill in Santa Barbara. Coming back here has been great. It's just an amazingly beautiful area with beaches, wind, sun, nature, and a few good people. Quitting my rotten desk job last year has been great and I have no regrets. It's been a long time since i've felt so alive. I'm chasing a bunch of experiences that I've always wanted to check out. And it's been wonderful to see and do all these things on my "list". I've et some rad people along the way and keep in touch with several that I really cherish.

Some of the shit is a little peligro, but I'm no hellman. Just a pussy really. The injuries, surgeries, and antibiotics speak for themselves. Rebuild me so I can come back bigger, faster, stronger, poorer, and doughier. At least I (temporarily) have the balls and curiousity to check shit out and steer WAAY clear of the cliche bullshit life. I'm super confused about what I want to do with my life, yet I'm 100% confident in the way to proceed through life. It's a little lonely at times, but it usually works out when I least expect it.

Ryan Lovelace is one of my favorite success stories and he barely knows it. He shapes surfboard without ego or limitations like most old shapers. Maybe it's because he's 24 going on 25. After a recent business learning experience he's setting up shop in an awesome old greenhouse on an unbelievable property. As if he doesn't have enough legal and career headaches, he's gonna live my dream of fixing up an Airstream to live in and thrive closer to nature. Bueno suerte, amigo. You've got loads of work ahead, but you're well on your way while doing everything right. You'll have way less regret when you get to be my age.

Now I'm gonna roll off and into the sloth pit knowin that I'll never run into Bin Laden in any dark ally.

it's all over

2011-04-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

They shut down the lifts on sunday so it's time to stow away the shred gear and finalize planning the vacation and surgery. My last good body part got crushed over the winter and needs rebuilding. Again. The left shoulder will undergo some arthroscopic bull shit leading to a lengthy recovery over the summer. I'm REALLY looking forward to some down time, physical therapy, and depression. I'm a better drinker when depressed anyway. Mountain biking will me put on hold in favor of road fagging since it will put less stress on my upper, left vagina. Before all this can happen though, it's time to head to Peru to catch up on some surf. Good surf. Left point breaks. Since I'm superior footed, I really like the lefts. My doc gave me some drugs to get me through the inevitable pain. Thank you very much, good sir. Time to burn this thing out. Adios biyatchez.

I love vans

2011-04-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

Saw this van today and had to laugh since any Vanagon owner knows the feeling. These krautmobiles suck balls in so many ways. But it's nowhere near how rad they are. I miss mine. It would be great to have one as my second rig cuz they make great kitchens, surfboard quiver holders, beer coolers, tents, party huts, crash pads, hot boxes, reading chair, and everything else. YOu get to drive with 10 toes over and freeway merge downhill no greater than 31mph. Not to mention you can set up the work bench and get to scroggin anywhere you feel the urge.

Trapped

2011-04-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

I fucking love springtime in the mountains after a long winter of shred. It feels so good to get a bit of warm sun on the face and not freeze my balls off every second of every day. The snow goes off around 10:30 each day and there's a lot more chillin going down. The only retards left in town are season pass holders trying to get one last run on some broken down knees and chalk up another season.

I've had a wienerless winter until yesterday. It took me all winter long to finally get my first Irvings Red Hot of the season. They make a mean meat log.

Then it's on to mountain biking....which it looks like I'll be doing a shit ton over the next few months. I'm getting sucked into the vortex of death called MIDDLE AGE SKI/SURF/MTN BIKE BUM. The original plan was to spend the witner here then immediately get back to the rat race on the big city. But I'm getting amped on a summer in Idaho.

So after spending the month of May surfing Peru's bitchin lefts, I'm coming back and gonna break myself on a bike all summer long. That's right. A summer full of fighting, fucking, running, and smiling just like my bro Kyle Lightner advises. And THEN it's back to the Real World getting crushed by TPS reports, back pain, 2 margarita lunches, and Le Gout. Fuck you, gout.

cold as fuck

2011-04-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

Nearing the end of the season, Sun Valley shuts down the kiddie hill with the 2nd annual pond skim. I stopped by to check it out and I broke a hip and both arms. Good times.

Shoulder Fail

2011-03-13T19:45:00.001-07:00

Growler and the Hand of Rock

Old Death Whisper

Fellow retards and tardette

Bakoda...making the dope shit in 2003

I am da night rider

Winning in 2001

From now on, any time I even hear the words "cat" or "skiing" or "trip" I'm just gonna immediately grab the nearest baseball bat and smash my own collar bone. It'll end up being cheaper in the long run. Last night, in Grand Targhee, after a long day of driving, shredding, boozing, and rocking out to Old Death Whisper, somebody in our group had the brilliant idea to sled to the top of the mountain and shred down. After some towing issues and falling problems we made it up. It was absolutely breathtaking looking over the Targhee Valley (or whatever the fuck you call the giant plains before the Tetons). Down below we could see the base lodge, Tetonia, mormons. Then were off and I wiggle my way into a pitch black snowbank shoulder first. So instead of spending today whooping up and shooshing, then manana cat skiing, I'm now home with a bottle of Vicoden and either a bone chip or a rotator cuff blowout. If at first you don't succeed, winning might not be your thing.

Attack formation

2011-03-05T14:53:00.000-08:00

Crazy fucking shits going down in the world right now. While I'm peacefully shooshing around Bald Mountain, there's dudes prepping for our upcoming scheduled wars in Korea, Iran, Laybia, Saudi Arabia, and the entire Middle East. A mellow reminder from Mountain Home Air Force Base flew over James Young and I on a glorious Sun Valley day. In the past they've flown up through the Wood River Valley hauling ass up our bowls, then straight skyward screaming towards the heavens delivering a sonic boom. Pretty cool shit man.

Onward and Downward

2011-03-04T09:50:00.000-08:00

If you wanna come steal all my shit, the month of May looks to be your best opportunity. I'll be in Peru the whole fucking time. Just picked up a ticket today. The Year of Midlife Crisis continues. Winner!

tell em you love em

2011-02-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

Every day of my life begins with unlimited potential. My basic rule is don't plan ahead unless you absolutely must. I have a simple outline, but I don't really know what's gonna happen when I wake up in the morning. From the second I crack open my eyes, it's a feeding frenzy to cram as much fun into roughly the 16 hours I'm awake. Will I get tubed or a face full of powder? Am I gonna get my clock cleaned in sparring class or will I deliver the punishment? Who will I meet? Should I have a few drinks? What new and amazing experience will I have? And it all goes down in real time with heavy doses of ADD. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I need it that way. It helps me get to sleep each night knowing that I lived life to the fullest I possibly could. But then something completely unexpected happens and I'm forced to question everything I've lived for. My only other basic rule is tell the people you love that you love them all the time. You never know what's gonna happen. On friday, February 25th, my step-brother Matt never woke up. In the 90's, when my dad remarried in Portland, I was living in Idaho. I hung out with my step mom, Francis, often and only spent a few holidays with my step brothers. I knew them somewhat, but not great. We were all adults by the time we became family and had our own lives. I always kept up to date through my dad and Francis. But I can't think of ever having their phone numbers or even calling them once. I can't think of the last time I even saw Matt in person...and I'm sure I didn't tell him that I loved him. Now I can't. So it's time to evolve again and become more of who I want to be. And live life without regrets.

it's back

2011-02-17T21:55:00.001-08:00

There's some white shit falling from the sky around here. So I grabbed the picture taking thing and walked around town tonight. Way back in December we also had a shit ton of it coming down. Tomorrow, at first light, I'l sit on the flying couches that are littered all over the big mountain down the street so I can see what the fuck is going on.

engage the rage

2011-02-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

It's been onshore and shitty since December 29, 2010, which means we have received no snow for 39 motherfuckin days. A couple weeks back, in a moment of weakness, I took a peek inside my board back and began fondling one of my surfboards. Oh it looked so fun. So I unpacked my 6'2" and gracefully slid my grubby paws up and down it's rails and tail. Back and forth. Up and down. Over and over. Today I received a new Waveset style fin in the mail and went back for more.

Brief Un-Hiatusing

2011-02-02T23:07:00.000-08:00

Here's what Idaho's all about....4 dudes and 1 chick, flannel, wide open spaces, camoflauge, rodeos, and one handed boxing. This is my new favorite video of a co-worker taking a punch. This chick's rad.

The Hiatus

2011-01-16T16:52:00.000-08:00

The original purpose of this blog was to call bullshit on everything. And I had a job where I didn't have any real responsibility and I needed to kill some time while getting paid. There was a lot of random shit going on around me and I thought is was super funny. I seemed to have a camera handy often, too. So I'd snap a moment in time, work in some shitty Photoshop if needed, then add some words...and PRESTO, I've wasted 10 minutes of my day. To survive each day I'd combine that with Facebook, surfing the entire interwebs, message boards, YouPorn, and talkin shit on other blogs. Now I've come to stage where there isn't much anger, rage, or funny shit. Nothing much to see except snow. How many pictures of snow can one guy show? So what's the point? Why keep struggling to find something stupid to post up? I dunno. This blog is officially in the shitter. So I'm out! For now. Until something comes along and gets me stoked again.

Happy Groundhogs Day

2011-01-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

Another resolution shoulda been to post some crap daily on the blog. But there just ain't any interesting shit going on around here. Every fucking day is the same and it's awesome...just not interesting.
-Wake up, scratch balls.
-Stumble across the street for a nice large Cup of Shut The Fuck Up.
-Put on the shred gear and go shooshing.
-Punch Ned Ryerson in the face.
-Come home and get horizontal.
-Head to work and sell meat.
-Add in a few days at the gymnasium, and there you have it....My Life in Idaho.

PS...I'm extremely hungover today thanks to that asshole Mr Rumpleminz. Nothing accomplished today except hours of slothing. Completely worthless.

resolutions

2011-01-06T09:33:00.000-08:00

2011 has begun with boner chilling cold weather and no new snow. But the shredding is still decent. This mountain grooms acres and acres of terrain for cranking PSIA level 12 turns. We regularly see hard booters all over the place. Dildo Valley is their last stand. The Bowls are staying bumped out so it's time to head out-of-bounds where the shit is staying light and soft. Today is a day off due to a little calf strain. It happens to even the best. So I'll dwell on some New Years Resolutions for 2011. I've been really busy and I haven't even thought about them till today. Here's just a few....

Resolution #1...Score a Mossberg Tactical 590a1 12 gauge. I'm back in Idaho where weapons are cheap and plentiful. It's on.

Resolution #2...Figure out life. Simple enough.

Resolution #3....Ride a board at least 300 days.

Resolution #4...Move somewhere warm and surfy.

Resolution #5...Break out the DSLR more.

Resolution #6...Burn a stand-up paddle dork.

Resolution #7...Land a job I enjoy. All I wanna do is contribute and look forward to being at work. And make a little coin for ammunition and traveling.

That's enough for now.

Merry New Year

2010-12-31T16:13:00.000-08:00

After a few years of utter FAIL, 2010 was one motherfucking great year for me. Looking back I'm not really sure what made it so great. It started with a canceled Xmas/New Years shred trip which led to epic surf conditions at home. 6+hours a day spent surfing caused my first major case of Surfed Out in years. January to March was pummeled with one good swell after another and somehow I was able to time it right and surf my balls off. Then a large chunk of April was spent surfing warm water and dodging drug cartels in Mainland Mex. The summer was, um...um...fuck, I have no idea what happened all summer but I think it was fun. Next thing I knew, fall arrived and I was throwing in the towel on Santa Barbara, quitting my job, and leaving for Indo. Then I appeared in Idaho. And here I am right now. Where it's going to be -20 degrees tonight. Can't wait to see what 2011 brings.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T09:11:00.001-08:00

Picked her up in beautiful Twin Falls. Just to her right is the mound of dirt that Evel Knievel used in his failed attempt to jump the Snake River.

Went up the Ganjola to mid mountain while I shred the gnar.

Drove north over Galena Summit, past Redfish Lake to Stanley.

Lunch at Tim & Becky Cron's Sawtooth Hotel.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Mama Recluse has been in town for her first Sun Valley Christmas so I've been showing her around beautiful Blaine County. Today we open presents, see a movie, and have a delicious dinner. Have fun everybody.

Big Dumps

2010-12-20T22:32:00.000-08:00

Dig Dump from Brown Recluse on Vimeo.

Life has slowed down and so has the rage. After the last year of epic surf and now unfuckingbelieveable shredable pow, my rage meter is at an all time low. Now a days, the only assholes I get to yell at are the retards on the mountain. Mainly fuckers who slash too close to me. We got a big mountain to shred, no need to get all cozy and shit. We've really been getting pounded with snow 'round these parts. We're at an all time high of shovelin and snowblowin. Ahhhh, the simple life. My brain is already shutting down and my career assperations are in the shitter. It's all uphill from here.

endagering species

2010-12-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

You got stuffed polar bears laying around your storage unit?
Didn't think so.
Idaho does.

mountain rides

2010-12-10T14:12:00.000-08:00

Getting to the pow requires awesome fucking vehicles. Two of my all-time favs appeared before me today. The first was the AMC Eagle, the 1980's version of the 4-wheel drive station wagon. AKA...The Birth Control. You will not get any relatively hot female to set foot inside, but who the fuck cares. These things were so futuristic only computer programmers understood their radness. Then the next was the big yellow 4-wheel drive van. God created vans in his own image. You just cannot beat the incredibleness of a mobile butt-hut with 4-wheel drive capabilities to get deeeeep into the backcountry to dispose of the evidence.

soo bahk do, no?

2010-12-07T15:58:00.000-08:00

2010 is the fucking raddest year ever! I'm letting the ADD/ADHD run my life. My shit's been all over the map. Carpe diem. I'm not fighting it, I prostrate myself. I'm just along for the ride. This Nuevo Hefe is getting his shit centered and aligned and not sweating the details. Moving to a new town equals joining a new martial arts gym. So far so good. Haven't had my face crushed by little old ladies just yet.

Festival of Rights

2010-12-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

Really been getting after it and makin the legs burn like pistons the last couple days. The snow's starting to pile up along with the Ibuprofen use. Been wall riding and smackin da leeps of snow like I'm surfin. I really like that shit. The funny thing is that I surf goofy but snowboard regular. So it's as if I'm crankin some power gouges on stoney right points that go on for 3000 vert. Crank....smash....crank...smash...crank...smash. That's it. At a couple points today, my board MIGHT have lost contact with the snow ever-so briefly. Scary as FUCK. More mountain should open tomorrow.

Homework

2010-12-01T13:00:00.001-08:00

River Run Side

Warm Springs Side

Lovin the commute each day. Less than 1 mile to shred and 1 block to work. My world has shrunk to a 1 mile radius and is completely walkable. It takes more time to warm up the car each day than it does to actually drive my lazy ass to the base. I got to the bottom today and ran into my bro, Billy Olson. If you ever feel the need to drink beer, eat gigantic burgers, and enjoy bicycles as art hanging on walls and in tables, then you should stop by his place, Powerhouse, in Hailey, Idaho. I spent the better part of the day ridin with dude and rediscovering some tree runs and shit. Plus, with the birth of the new gondola, there's a few new runs. It's now 2 pm. I'm gonna pile my sack of shit body into the bed and take a long nap before work.

what the FUCK?

2010-11-29T14:35:00.000-08:00

My new overlord,...ooops, I mean new landlord...is Jim Slanetz. He's the 4-eyes on the photographer's right. Dude is blind as a bat without the Oakley Cokebottles. He reminds me of Andy Dick from the movie called Employee of the Month. He and his wife, Karin are super cool so I couldn't be more proud to donate all my hard earned blood money to them each and every month through this long, cold winter of bitterness and despair. For every pound of dead cow flesh I whore at night affords me just one more day of snow shooshing. I shall bring the shoosh and wiggle each and every godforsavenly fucking cold day. Day in/day out. Until eventually....in spring time...when the lifts have dried up and the rivers have thawed....and what's left of my fragile mind hath wandered off and found warmth in heavenly left point breaks somewhere in Peru, Nicaragua, or Mexico....there is.......no more shred....nevermore....or at least for this season.
Shaka! Awwwooooo!!!!

trozo numero dos

2010-11-27T14:37:00.000-08:00

pow day from Brown Recluse on Vimeo.

After a night of Oregon Fighting Ducks WIN and a Boise State Bronco LOSS, we woke up this morning to a glorious dump. 2 hearty inches already on the ground and more coming down heavy. We must've gotten 5-7 over the course of the day. More storms are lined up for the upcoming week. It looks like we're gearing up for an epic start to the winter. I've spent a couple days on the hill now and the list of body-part failures is staggering. I expect nothing less after stepping away from the body-rotting desk job. Today I spent a few hours on the hill and my thighs cramped, my fake hip seized up a little, the low back pinched at times, the shins ached, and the right knee MCL buckled. But it's such a good feeling of pain. Pain that means The Temple is getting stronger and stronger. Another couple weeks and my shit will all be re-aligned and powerful.

Innervisions

2010-11-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

Liz Clark - InnerViews from www.KORDUROY.tv on Vimeo.

Being back in the mountains reminds me how rad and inspiring people are when they aren't trying to slit your throat for merging out of the fast lane. My years in California were kinda strange in that I got caught up in doing my own thing, most of the time alone. When I got done with each surf session and left the water, I found myself surrounded by people that I had very little in common with so I generally avoided everything. Better to be a hermit or go to the gym I guess. There was a handful of young, punk ass surfers/artists like Albers, Lovelace, Morgan, and Lightgnar that I was always stoked to run into or dropped by their place to say hi and see what they were working on. But besides them, I didn't find all that many folks that I wanted to hang out with. Liz Clark was one of the good ones, too. I worked with her when I first moved to Santa Barbara. She was 23ish and 95 lbs of chiseled confidence who spent all her free-time surfing or busting her ass fixing up some boat to sail around the world. She's what chicks ought to use as a role model instead of some fashion rag full of coked out pukers wearing clown makeup or one of those inbred Whoredashians. I used to ask Liz all kinds of stupid questions, not really letting it sink in that SHE WAS GOING TO SAIL AROUND THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. Then one day day, in January if I remember correctly, off she went. She's still at it 5 years later. I can only imagine the wonderful and amazing shit she's witnessed while cruizin along the coast from Santa Barbara south to Equador out to the Galapagos Islands across the Pacific and is now regrouping in Tahiti. I'll be goddammed if that ain't the correct way to live.

Hundred-Grand-Dan Van

2010-11-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

HGD got black-out drunk one night and tried to drive up north into the mountains. He got most of the way till he rolled his girl's rig with his arm danglin outside the window. It was a miracle that an off-duty Search and Rescue dude cruised by the scene a few minutes later cuz he wasn't far away from bleeding out. Dude had some huge medical bills. He was broke and broken, so he laid off the sauce for while. The chick didn't stick around neither. Then he won $100,000 in the Powerball Lottery. Just like that, he took his mulligan and could pay his debts to get back to even. He was finally able to hop back on the boozetrain and get weird. Around that time I remember him annoying the fuck outta me and some friends as I was about to get my Tackle-N-Tickle on with a chick in the local smokey dive bar, The Casino. He was relentless and came after me with a pool cue before I finally shoved him onto the pool table to calm him the fuck down. The bouncers then took over and I'm sure I went home by myself. We're still buddies to this day. About all he has to show from the big lottery WIN is a old bubble window Volkswagen Bus, a sluggish liver, and some permanent arm/shoulder/neck scarring.

8,640 minutes to go

2010-11-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

Back in the day, 3 weeks ago, I was fresh off the boat from an awesome surf trip. Then I packed shit up and drove back to 1997. It seems so long ago now that I've stepped back in time to start reliving the glory days. Lots of the same around here even though town has changed. It's been great reconnecting with old buddies. The transition's been so easy, it hasn't really sunk in that I'm 900 long-ass miles from surf. Besides butterin around the living room in my new Capita/Union setup, I haven't stood on a board in 3 whole weeks. No schooshing or slashing. No wiggling nor yelling. None of that. But all is well so far. Steady as she goes. We're down to 1 week till the mountain opens. That's just 7 days till I get to ride some chairlifts and wiggling around the mountain.

lubeless

2010-11-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

$1699 later, I have my 2010-11 season pass.
So stoked to lighten my wallet so much.
Grooming and snow guns don't pay for themselves.
T-Minus 2 weeks till opening shred..at the latest.
2 weeks without any board sport, and all is well.
Stay on target, Gold Leader.

There Will Be Snow

2010-11-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

I went for a mellow hike through zee woods the other day. The New Recluse has been spending long days in the gymnasium getting The Temple ready for shred season. 7 years of laziness and injury will do that. So I needed to get an active rest day and went for a hike. It's been 65 degrees and gorgeous, but there's a ton of natural snow left up yonder after a big dump 2 weeks ago. I grabbed my cell phone and charged out into nature. The hike was cut short when I saw some giant animal tracks in the mud. Using my extensive mountain-man skills, I immediately accessed the situation. I've become soft in California, man. The thoughts racin through my mind were bear, mountain lion, and horrific death via the food chain. So turned around and went home to the TV. Snow scheduled starting tonight. Won't have to go on any stupid hikes anymore. Woot!

2010-11-04T08:12:00.001-07:00

First morning in Dildo Valley Idaho. My new butthut is above The Board Bin, the only real shred shop in a town full off skiers. It's way too nice for this dirtbag. That house across the street is Java, the coffee shop, my internetting source. I've slaved a couple nights at the Pioneer Saloon, selling meat. You can't beat our meat. Looks like I'll be more of a 40-year-old-waiter than a boozetender. But either way, FUCK IT, I've got no responsibility. Lots of old bros still lingering around. Some burning out, some living the dream. I still haven't built up any rage due to zero responsibility and hot mountain chicks everywhere. My coworkers have some hate, but I just stupidly laughed my ass off all night. So my winter is falling into place nicely. Just need to rebuild some anger.

eat, surf, sleep

2010-11-02T08:54:00.000-07:00

After flying for hours and pissing in nice toilets with flowers & fishtanks along the way...

I sweated nightly in Bingin underneath a fan.

Spent lots of down time eating Mei Goreng and staring at waves.

Clowns to the left of me...

Jokers to the right....

The price of freedom was $5 a day....

Goofyfooters heaven on the other side of this cave.

Sometimes you had to fight for the tube....

But there always seemed to be some tubes

Head NW, old man

2010-10-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

"Head north, retard". That's what one of the overriding voices in my head commanded me to do. So that time has come. Today I loaded up the rig, strapped snowboards & some emergency surfboards to the rack, and drove past Rincon one last time on my way out of town. Down the 101, out the 126, over to the 14 which turns into the 395, then a right onto the 6 and I find myself spending the night in Ely Fucking Nevada. After getting a budget room I dashed over to a casino and tried to rid myself of a hundo. I was down to my last $2 pull when I won $140. I whittled it down to an even $100. So walked out even...a winner. It's Halloween party weekend and it seems like everybody in the casino is dressed up like smokers.

The Drifter

2010-10-22T23:57:00.000-07:00

Still stuck in Bali. Today I saw some monkeys fucking underneath the bridge at Padang Padang. There was a giant, loud commotion and all kinds of monkey screaming. Me and the group of Euros, Brazilians, and Indos scattered around me looked back just in time to behold nature in all it's glory. Every nationality laughed out loud. This all went down after a long, 5 hour surf. I got to the beach during a major downpour and a river was running down the steps and through the cave. I paddled out in poopy water and there was some kind of surf school sticking to the rights. I had the better lefts all to myself for a couple hours. Then an Ozzie and Canadian came over to steal my thunder. It was cool. They weren't getting many and I just picked off the good ones. It just got gnarlier and faster as the tide dropped. Paddled till my arms fell off. Then I smoked a clove, washed really good with soap, stuffed my face with fried noodles, and now I'm internetting. Slothing till I head back later this afternoon.

lack of posts

2010-10-16T00:56:00.000-07:00

I'm on the road in Bali, sweating my balls off and surfing my brains out. Today, after an awesome morning sesh at Padang Padang, I cruized up to the local Nirmala to pick up some Johnson's & Johnson's Baby Powder, so things are looking up for the latter issue. Lifesaver, to say the least. After a rough start to the 2010 Tour Of Fail, things are really getting incredible. My L4/5 disc in my back blew up on me the second I hopped aboard the plane at LAX. The first couple days were kind miserable pain wise, but I still surfed mackin Impossibles. It's name is fitting at 9+ feet. I was too stupid to realize what I was getting into for my first go at it. I didn't bring a board long enough to get into the waves appropriately. Took some of the biggest dry reef beatings of my life, but came out of it with nary a scratch and some haul ass waves. The last week's been spent double seshing every day. Padang Padang, Bingin, Uluwatu. It's all incredi. Life is good.

The rage will hopefully continue when I get back in a couple weeks if I haven't gone all Hindu and shit.

tuesday in the park

2010-09-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

We had a shady little transaction go down at the local park just now. I showed up a minute early and parked next to either a dead guy or a severely passed out gummer dude. Then Ryan shows up with my new 8'6" vee bottom transitional thing that he shaped. Sofa king stocked! I'm loving the vee these days. Now I get the next couple days to ride the piss outta it. And we've got waves.

D, Mother fucker

2010-09-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

We're loading up on Vitamin D around here thanks to the past few days of this heat wave. D-MOTHERFUCKER! My fats a little bronzer. And my mind's chill after a weekend of 90+ degree weather and a bit o' surf. It was good to be surfing and see some old familiar faces. Faces that start popping up once the waves start working. I love this time of year. Water's warm, sand is groomed along our point breaks, and storms are a brewin. To top it, I have a new board that should arrive today and I'll get 2 days to ride it before I leave.

when will this end?

2010-09-24T16:10:00.001-07:00

I'm not quite sure what will become of me when my face isn't shoved inside cuntputer screen for 8 fucking hours every stinkin day. It's gonna be incredible to recreate all day long then head to the night jobby job all broken down, bleeding, and exhausted. Hopefully I'll still be full of rage. And hopefully I'll find some inspiration along the way cuz I feel like the last month has been worthless. I've been so focused on organizing the big move and I've been sick, so I haven't done much else. My brain is dead. Today I ran out of internets around 8:43 am. So I've spent the rest of the day clicking every few minutes between Facebook, Surfer Mag message board, and a handful of random blogs wishing that somebody would update their shit. The light at the end of the tunnel is October 3rd. One last delivery run then Bali just over a week away. That's the carrot dangling in front of me.

Support real shapers

2010-09-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

First of all, let me quote our furry little friend, the great Paul "Pony Keg" Farell and say..."the sun shines on a dog's ass once in a while". I am the luckiest surfboard shaper ever. With limited skills in virtually all areas, I'm fucking amazed that I can work sandpaper corectly, let alone build a surfboard that rips. Somehow I have done it. I took my new board on some test spins over the last few days on gutless, junky, & foggy waves and the fucker works. It actually works. I started out with the Quad fin setup and hated it. Stupid fucking fins. It seems like I'm equally retarded at riding quads as I am thrusters. My final judgement on Quad Fins will have to wait until I'm able to try it again on real waves. So I switched over to 2+1 and it fucking lit up. Plus I took off the booties and I quit snagging my toes on every pop up. I rode mostly chest/almost-shoulder high crap waves, but it was goooooood. So good, that it's made the final cut to go along to Bali. Out with the Channel Islands Single Fin and welcome aboard, fatso.

So let's break this down. How much did it cost to "shape" a board that works?

Blanks-(I fucked up the first one)5 @ $65 = $325
Materials- Roughly $200
Power Sander-(never used) $35
Planer- $65
Glassing- 4 @ $220= $888
Total $1505

#4

2010-09-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

My latest attempt as shaping a surfboard is done and ready to shred. Picked it up from getting glassed yesterday, and I'll take her for a test spin later today. This looks like my most most ridable shape to date. A bit of a tri-plane in the nose, to a single concave in the middle, to a mellow vee out the back. I went wide, about 22", cuz I like it that way. And she's kinda thick at about 2 3/4. Over all it's about 6'2". I love the 2+1 setups cuz you can make big, swooping bottom turns. I'm not sure I've ever smacked the lip, so I'm not trying to fool myself. But I also threw in the quad boxes because I've never ridden a quad. They seem neat.

Jimmy Busey

2010-09-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

While in dirty old Mexico last April, we made an afternoon pitstop to el dentisto for mi amigo Jimmy Robb. Dude needed some work done on his chompers and apparently Mexican dentists are having a 80% OFF SALE everyday. Plus we needed some pharmaceuticals stat. So Jimbo took one for the team, sat under some duct taped machines, got drilled, and had some fairly sketchy medical procedure for the benefit of the group. Now that he's back home in Porkland, he's having more work done. He wants to look more like the sexy Gary Busey. It's coming along incredibly. I'll try to find the Mexican waiting room and "before" pics tonight.

I am a patient boy, i wait, i wait, i wait

He's the one they call Dr Feelgood
He's the one that can make you feel alright

Black Dildo of Death

2010-09-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

Everything's falling into place nicely. Heading back to the hills means new gear is required to destroy the upcoming La Nina. Even though I don't ride much anymore, my old 2003 Unity is beat and needed replacing. Moby, over at Capita Shredquarters hooked me up with a deal on a Black Snowboard of Death. To be honest, I don't understand much about the new reverse-camber shit, sintered vs extruded bases, sidewalls construction, or whatever else they describe. All I know is that it's got a flex rating of 7, so I'm all good.